Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.  And she said unto Abraham, her husband, “Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?”

And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, “How, dear?”

And Dot replied, “I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah’s Pony Stable (UPS).”

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent. To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures – Hebrew To The People (HTTP).

And the young men did take to Dot Com’s trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS.

And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. And indeed did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates’ drumheads and drumsticks.

And Dot did say, “Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others.” And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or eBay as it came to be known. He said, “We need a name that reflects what we are.”

And Dot replied, “Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators.” “YAHOO,” said Abraham. And because it was Dot’s idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.

Abraham’s cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot’s drums to locate things around the countryside. It soon became known as God’s Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).

That is how it all began.

Begin by standing (in your workplace cubicle or home office cubbyhole works well) with a five pound potato sack in each hand. Extend your arms straight out to your sides and hold them there as long as you can.

After a few weeks, move up to ten pound potato sacks and then fifty pound potato sacks, and finally get to where you can lift a one hundred pound potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.

Next, start putting a few potatoes in the sacks.

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~~~ The Old Silly ~~~

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There are 20 questions. The average score, for ages 35 to 65, is 12. See how you do …

Have fun, but no peeking!

1. What builds strong bodies 12 ways?

A. Flintstones vitamins**

B. The Buttmaster

C. Spaghetti

D. Wonder Bread

E. Orange Juice

F. Milk

G. Cod Liver Oil

 2. Before he was Muhammed Ali, he was…?

A. Sugar Ray Robinson.**

B. Roy Orbison..

C. Gene Autry.

D. Rudolph Valentino.

E. Fabian

F. Mickey Mantle.

G. Cassius Clay.

3. Pogo, the comic strip character said, ‘We have met the enemy and….’?

A. It’s you.

B. He is us.

C. It’s the Grinch.

D. He wasn’t home.

E. He’s really me and you.

F. We quit.

G. He surrendered.

4. Good night, David.

A. Good night, Chet.

B. Sleep well.

C. Good night, Irene.

D. Good night, Gracie.

E. See you later, alligator.

F. Until tomorrow.

G. Good night, Steve.**

5. You’ll wonder where the yellow went…

A. When you use Tide.

B. When you lose your crayons.

C. When you clean your tub.

D. If you paint the room blue.

E. If you buy a soft water tank

F. When you use Lady Clairol.

G. When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent.

6. Before he was the Skipper’s Little Buddy, Bob Denver was Dobie’s friend…

A. Stuart Whitman.**

B Randolph Scott.

C. Steve Reeves..

D. Maynard G. Krebs.

E Corky B. Dork.

F. Dave the Whale.

G. Zippy Zoo.

7. Liar, liar…

A. You’re a liar.

B. Your nose is growing.

C. Pants on fire.

D. Join the choir

E. Jump up higher.

F. On the wire.

G. I’m telling Mom.

8. Meanwhile, back in Metropolis, Superman fights a never ending battle for truth, justice and….

A. Wheaties.

B. Lois Lane .

C. TV ratings.

D. World peace.

E. Red tights.

F. The American way.

G. News headlines.**

9. Hey kids! What time is it?

A. It’s time for Yogi Bear.

B It’s time to do your homework.

C. It’s Howdy Doody Time.

D. It’s time for Romper Room.

E. It’s bedtime.

F. The Mighty Mouse Hour..

G. Scoopy Doo Time..

10. Lions and tigers and bears…

A. Yikes.

B. Oh, no..

C. Gee whiz.

D. I’m scared…

E. Oh my.

F. Help! Help!

G. Let’s run.

11. Bob Dylan advised us never to trust anyone…

A. Over 40.

B. Wearing a uniform.

C.. Carrying a briefcase.

D. Over 30.

E. You don’t know.

F. Who says, ‘Trust me’..

G. Who eats tofu.

12. NFL quarterback who appeared in a television commercial wearing women’s stockings…

A. Troy Aikman

B. Kenny Stabler

C. Joe Namath

D. Roger Staubach

E. Joe Montana

F. Steve Young

G. John Elway

13. Brylcream…

A. Smear it on.

B. You’ll smell great.

C. Tame that cowlick.

D. Grease ball heaven.

E. It’s a dream.

F. We’re your team.

G. A little dab’ll do ya.

14. I found my thrill…

A. In Blueberry muffins.

B. With my man, Bill

C. Down at the mill.

D. Over the windowsill.

E. With thyme and dill.

F. Too late to enjoy.

G. On Blueberry Hill.

15. Before Robin Williams, Peter Pan was played by…

A. Clark Gable.

B. Mary Martin.

C. Doris Day.

D. Errol Flynn.

E. Sally Fields.

F. Jim Carrey.

G. Jay Leno.

16. Name the Beatles.

A. John, Steve, George, Ringo

B. John, Paul, George, Roscoe

C. John, Paul, Stacey, Ringo

D. Jay, Paul, George, Ringo

E. Lewis, Peter, George, Ringo

F. Jason, Betty, Skipper, Hazel

G. John, Paul, George, Ringo

17. I wonder, wonder, who.

A. Who ate the leftovers?

B. Who did the laundry?

C. Was it you?

D. Who wrote the book of love?

E. Who I am?

F. Passed the test?

G. Knocked on the door?

18. I’m strong to the finish…

A. Cause I eats my broccoli.

B. Cause I eats me spinach.

C. Cause I lift weights.

D. Cause I’m the hero.

E And don’t you for get it.

F. Cause Olive Oyl loves me.

G. To outlast Bruto.

19. When it’s least expected, you’re elected, you’re the star today.

A. Smile, you’re on Candid Camera.

B. Smile, you’re on Star Search.

C. Smile, you won the lottery.

D. Smile, we’re watching you.

E. Smile, the world sees you.

F. Smile, you’re a hit.

G. Smile, you’re on TV.

20. What do M & M’s do?

A. Make your tummy happy.

B. Melt in your mouth, not in your pocket.

C. Make you fat.

D.. Melt your heart.

E… Make you popular.

F. Melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

G. Come in colors.

Below are the right answers:

1. D – Wonder Bread

2. G – Cassius Clay

3. B – He Is us

4. A – Good night, Chet

5. G – When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent

6. D – Maynard G. Krebs

7. C – Pants on fire

8. F – The American Way

9. C – It’s Howdy Doody Time

10. E – Oh my

11. D – Over 30

12. C – Joe Namath

13. G – A little dab’ll do ya

14. G – On Blueberry Hill

15. B – Mary Martin

16. G – John, Paul, George, Ringo

17. D – Who wrote the book of Love

18. B – Cause I eats me spinach

19. A – Smile, you’re on Candid Camera

20. F – Melt in your mouth not in your hand

Remember to put your score in the comments – along with any other comments, teehee!

~~~~~

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~~~~~

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A tourist visiting the area drives through town, stops at the hotel, and lays a $100 bill on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs to pick one for the night. As soon as he walks upstairs, the hotel owner grabs the bill and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

(Stay with this … and pay attention)

The butcher takes the $100 and runs down the street to retire his debt to the pig farmer. The pig farmer takes the $100 and heads off to pay his bill to his supplier, the Co-op. The guy at the Co-op takes the $100 and runs to pay his debt to the local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer her “services” on credit. The hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel owner.

(Almost done…keep reading)

The hotel proprietor then places the $100 back on the counter so the traveler will not suspect anything. At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, picks up the $100 bill and leaves.

No one produced anything. No one earned anything. However, the whole town now thinks that they are out of debt and there is a false
atmosphere of optimism and glee.

And that, my friends, is how a “stimulus package” works!

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Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can’t put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don’t you ever see the headline ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?

Why is ‘abbreviated’ such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do ‘practice’?

Why is the alphabet in that order?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

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The campground owner took the first page of the letter and the lady’s check and gave it to his secretary. He put the remainder of the letter on the desk of the senior member of his staff without noticing that the staffer would have no way of knowing what “BC” meant. Then the owner went off to town to run some errands.

The staff member came in after lunch, found the letter, and was baffled by the euphemism, so he showed the letter around to several counselors, but they couldn’t decipher it either. The staff member’s wife, who knew that the lady was the widow of a famous Baptist preacher, was sure that it must be a question about the local Baptist Church. “Of course,” the first staffer exclaimed, “‘BC’ stands for ‘Baptist Church.’ ” And he sat down and wrote:

Dear Madam,

I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take the pleasure in informing you that the BC is located nine miles north of the campground and is capable of seating 250 people at one time. I admit it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly, but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of people take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive early and stay late.

The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that right now there is a supper planned to raise money to buy more seats. They are going to hold it in the basement of the ‘BC.’

I would like to say that it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly, but it is surely no lack of desire on my part. As we grow older, it seems to be more of an effort, particularly in cold weather. If you decide to come down to our campground, perhaps I could go with you the first time, sit with you, and introduce you to all the folks. Remember, this is a friendly community.”

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The father says to the son, “John, I hate to tell you this, but we’ve got some troubles here in the house. Your mother and I can’t stand each other anymore, and we’re getting a divorce. I’ve had it! I want to live out the rest of my years in peace. I’m telling you now, so you and your sister shouldn’t go into shock later when I move out.”

He hangs up, and the son immediately calls his sister in the Hamptons and tells her the news.

The sister says, “I’ll handle this.”

She calls Florida and says to her father, “Don’t do ANYTHING till we get there! John and I will both be there Wednesday night.”

The father agrees, “All right.”

The old man hangs up the phone and hollers to his wife, “Okay, they’re coming for Thanksgiving. Now, what are we going to tell them for Christmas?”

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Here’s a mid-week funny pick-you-up with the spirit of Halloween and costuming in mind. Enjoy a laugh or two on The Old Silly!

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A couple was invited to a swanky Halloween costume party. Unfortunately, the wife came down with a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested … but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going.

“Nah, you know, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Browning and some other guys, so we went into the den, played poker and drank beer all evening. But get this, honey … you’re not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to!”

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