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January 18, 2012 / theoldsilly

Hilarious Hump Day – A Biblical Accounting of the History of Communications

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dorothy, nicknamed “Dot”.  And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg.

Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.  And she said unto Abraham, her husband, “Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?”

And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, “How, dear?”

And Dot replied, “I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah’s Pony Stable (UPS).”

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent. To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures – Hebrew To The People (HTTP).

And the young men did take to Dot Com’s trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS.

And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. And indeed did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates’ drumheads and drumsticks.

And Dot did say, “Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others.” And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or eBay as it came to be known. He said, “We need a name that reflects what we are.”

And Dot replied, “Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators.” “YAHOO,” said Abraham. And because it was Dot’s idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.

Abraham’s cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot’s drums to locate things around the countryside. It soon became known as God’s Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).

That is how it all began.

January 11, 2012 / theoldsilly

Hilarious Hump Day – Getting in Shape for Geeks

For those keyboard jockeys (those with jobs that require sitting at a computer all day), and those of you who are just flat out geeks who never stray from your machines out of choice, and who either don’t want to spend the money for those fancy exercise machines and/or wouldn’t take the time to use them anyway, here is a little secret for building arm and shoulder muscles  that takes very little time and costs next to nothing. Three days a week is best.

Begin by standing (in your workplace cubicle or home office cubbyhole works well) with a five pound potato sack in each hand. Extend your arms straight out to your sides and hold them there as long as you can.

After a few weeks, move up to ten pound potato sacks and then fifty pound potato sacks, and finally get to where you can lift a one hundred pound potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.

Next, start putting a few potatoes in the sacks.


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December 24, 2011 / theoldsilly

A Saturday Pontification – Some Thoughts for a “New Year”

“Soon we will have completed another trip around the sun. Some call this a “new” year, and feel cause for celebration. But what is a new year, unless we create something new, starting with the renewal and newness of ourselves? We create our world with what we believe and who we truly are. This “new year” let us draw closer together as one people, one race, one mind, with increased understanding, love, compassion, spiritual awakening and unification.”

~~~ The Old Silly ~~~


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