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July 15, 2009 / theoldsilly

Don’t Dwell

“Dwell on life’s disappointments and you will miss out on life’s divine appointments.” – Marvin D Wilson

The quote and thought for today is an Old Sillyism, something that epihanied its way into my skull a long while ago. It’s one of the themes and messages in my novel, Owen Fiddler. I’ve noticed, observing people (and all too often myself as I journey through life), when dealing with “problems,” that misery can be an addiction. Self pity can develop into an insidious haven of familiarity one can wallow about in like a pig in slop.

It’s something you can do, one way to deal with issues and challenges. Feel sorry for yourself. Get all puffed up with your problems. Makes you feel important. “Oh dear mother of god, nobody has it as bad as woe is me!”

Or-

You can treat your disappointments as appointments. What you thought you wanted to happen ain’t hapnin’ – somethin’ else is. You have an appointment with God. The I AM is calling you to come be here and now. Got somethin’ new and groovy to show ya. You may be amazed.

It’s a miracle, baby child of the universe … if you can get here and let it happen.

Sometimes easier said than done though, right? The Buddha said that desire and attachment are the root cause of all suffering. Meditate on that.

So talk to me. How do you deal with dashed dreams, twists of fate that make a goal or desired result unattainable, those times when it seems like no matter how hard you try you just aren’t getting what you want? Do you doggedly ram forward against all odds, or throw up your hands and figure, “Perfect. Just perfect. See? I never get what I want or ask for in life.” Or do you let go and go with the flow, curious and excited about what the universe has in store for you?

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61 Comments

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  1. Jane Kennedy Sutton / Jul 15 2009 8:05 am

    I have to admit, I might sulk for a bit but I tend to shake things off and go with the flow, mainly because I prefer feeling happy rather than miserable.

  2. divinityrose / Jul 15 2009 8:15 am

    🙂 baby children of the universe need reminders 🙂

  3. Morgan Mandel / Jul 15 2009 8:33 am

    I usually get aggravated first. When that passes, I’m even more determined to find a way out of the mess.

    Morgan Mandel
    http://acmeauthorslink.blogspot.com

  4. Karen Walker / Jul 15 2009 9:05 am

    I will allow myself a certain amount of time for a pity party. Then I “pick myself up, dust myself off, and start all over again,” like the song says.
    I love the idea of treating disappointments like appointments.
    Thanks.
    Karen

  5. Cactus Annie / Jul 15 2009 9:06 am

    Good reminder, Marv. I try and stay in the positive mode when things don’t go “my way” and then whatever happens just happens anyway, so why stress over it?

  6. quirkyloon / Jul 15 2009 9:32 am

    I think it’s okay and very human to allow yourself a moment or two to feel badly, then you pick yourself up and move forward!

    Boom, boom, boom, boom the ants go marching one by one hurrah, hurrah!

    • theoldsilly / Jul 15 2009 9:47 am

      Quirky, I agree. My Mom used to say, “It’s OK to give out for a while – but never give up!”

  7. Patricia Stoltey / Jul 15 2009 10:23 am

    As I get older (and older), I realize each of the traumas or disasters in my life opened a door to new paths and opportunities. As a result, I spend less time on “poor me” than I used to. One of my sons used to tell me, “Tuck and roll, Mom. Just tuck and roll.” He was talking about avoiding injury and pain from physical falls, but it seems like pretty good emotional advice too.

    • theoldsilly / Jul 15 2009 12:01 pm

      Patricia, yes – the advice is as much emotional as physical, eh?

  8. Helen Ginger / Jul 15 2009 11:02 am

    I figure if I keep ramming my head against a brick wall, then I’d better stop a second, look around, and find the door. At some point, you have to be still and figure out that what you’re doing isn’t working except to give you a head ache.

    Helen
    Straight From Hel

    • theoldsilly / Jul 15 2009 12:02 pm

      LOL, Helen. Yup – the Old Silly’s had PLENTY of those hard-headed headaches, too. 🙂

  9. unwriter1 / Jul 15 2009 1:31 pm

    I just pick up my ball and go home. Ok, all the way to the edge of the field, then stop and realize there are two choices, pity or go on. At that point I realize it is always two choices. I’ve played out the pity flowchart too many times in my life. Now I follow the ‘go on’ flowchart and always find there is something to laugh about. At that point I realize the world is a bit bigger than I so no sense feeling sorry for me when there is always at least one other person worse off.

  10. yvonne lewis / Jul 15 2009 5:14 pm

    If you had asked me this 2 years ago I would have said”Wallow in self pity” but 2 years ago after reading about positivity
    I am a very positive person so I try and stay that way whenever disappointments come my way..
    To every negative problem there is a positive solution.

    Yvonne.

  11. Destineers / Jul 15 2009 7:05 pm

    What a great philosophy – it is easy to fall into the self-pity mode, heaven knows I’ve done it, but you are absolutely right. The only way things are going to change is to change it yourself. Be positive and move forward. Thanks for the reminder.

    Nancy, from Realms of Thought…

  12. ReformingGeek / Jul 15 2009 7:54 pm

    I love that quote. Some people do “live with the misery” and they cannot see themselves without it. I do tend to dwell in that bad things that happen come back into my mind but I can usually clear that thought and move on. I’m not a quitter!

  13. Elizabeth Spann Craig / Jul 15 2009 10:28 pm

    Did you see that 60 Minutes report on the Danes? They were the happiest people on earth because they have the very lowest expectations. Basically, they’re all pessimists and are constantly surprised by good things happening.

    I wouldn’t call myself a pessimist, but I certainly have low expectations. It does help…

    Elizabeth

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