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August 30, 2009 / theoldsilly

Letters From the Mission Field – Thanksgiving? Joy? Part Two

Kevin 1Brother Kevin Wilson is back as guest blogger today. This is part two of his latest post in his “Letters From the Mission Field” series, titled, “Thanksgiving? Joy?” If you missed part one, “Thanksgiving,” you can catch up by clicking here. And for those of you who are new Free Spirit readers and have not been following Kevin’s inspirational and spiritual writings from behind bars, at the top of this blog there is a page dedicated to all his writings over the past year during his incarceration. Please help yourself to some very poignant, stirring, and spiritually stimulating reading.

All right. I now turn this blog over to my brother, for the last segment of-

Thanksgiving? Joy?

I used to be funny. If you ask any of the people closest to me – there aren’t many, I’m a true introvert by nature, but – they will all tell you of my quick wit and sarcastic sense of humor. And if you asked those who have seen me in front of a classroom, or an audience or in a group situation, they would attest to my ability to make people laugh. I’ve learned over the years how to use humor to mask my innate shyness and basic fear of people.

Well I ain’t funny anymore. My sense of humor has left me. I don’t even try to make anybody laugh nowadays, and I can count on my fingers the number of times I’ve laughed or even smiled in the past 9-1/2 months. I am devoid of joy. I’ve come to realize that, although I am spiritually stronger now than I have ever been, I am at the same time heartbroken, sad, and wounded. It is paradoxical and confusing.

Weekends are the hardest. It is then that Satan brings his full arsenal to bear on me, parading my sins in front of my mind’s eye, throwing my misdeeds in my face in an attempt to convince me that I have always been, still am, and always will be a complete and miserable failure. He delights in reminding me of all that I have lost. His favorite tactic is popping into my head with these hideous thoughts on weekends, to remind me that Gina, my former wife – the same woman who less than ten months ago loved and adored me – is likely out on a date with another man. She’s forgotten all about my love for her, could care less, she remembers not nor does she any longer cherish the five years of blissful union in marriage we shared. She has forsaken, and forgotten … me. He relishes filling my head with the vivid recollection of how she unceremoniously dumped me from her life (read “The Choice”), leaving me clutching at my broken heart and gasping for air, bent over in excruciating emotional pain in the divorce court room, her last and only words before turning and walking out of my life forever being, “sorry it had to be this way.” He gleefully points out that I never deserved her in the first place. She’s much better off without a pathetic louse like me for a husband.

I know Satan is a liar, a jerk and a jackass. But he’s damn good at what he does. He has managed, even if only temporarily, to suck all the happiness out of me and render me devoid of joy. A dark, thunderstorm cloud of sadness and relentless oppression has enveloped me.

***

So there you have it. Two stories, two different circumstances and situations, two diametrically opposed reactions. If you missed the first story, the one where I fared much better in my performance and spiritual understanding, click here so you can catch up and see the stark contrast.

In the first part of this two-segment post, I called attention to the oft-repeated Biblical admonition in the New Testament for Christians to be at all times full of thanksgiving and joy – regardless of the situation we find ourselves in. As you have read, as a batter I’m only one for two. That is unacceptable. This is not sports, not baseball, this is no game. This is the real deal, this is life, and I mean life eternal we’re talking about here.

I didn’t come this far on my spiritual journey to get it half right. If I am truly going to be salt and light on this mission field, if I am going to be an accurate and effective representation of Christ to those who do not know Him, then I had better stop letting Satan win these kinds of battles, and especially this one. I hate – do you hear me, HATE! – to lose to him. It is maddening to my core. It angers and frustrates me that he has the upper hand and that I seem to be powerless to overcome this grim sadness.

Please pray for me – especially on weekends. I am truly stronger spiritually than ever before, and I am honestly thankful for the life-altering and improving experience of the past 9-1/2 months. But this lack of joy is hindering my progress. If left unabated and unconquered, I fear it could possibly ruin my ability to witness.

I know what I must do, of course. I understand the truth of the matter. The truth is, God has all the joy that I need and He is waiting to pour it out onto me if I will simply stop allowing my broken heart to overwhelm me. I need to cling to Him and embrace the fullness of pure joy, the limitless, joyous, pure and all encompassing love that is God.

Just as the Apostle Paul, in II Timothy 4:5 encouraged his spiritual brother Timothy, please pray earnestly that I may-

“Be watchful in all things, endure afflictions, do the work of an evangelist, and fulfill (my) ministry.”

***

Please leave a comment for Kevin, as always I’ll be printing out the post and comments and mailing them to him. He loves to hear from y’all. Have a great Sunday, everyone, thanks for stopping in. Blog back in tomorrow for the exciting Adventures of Adam Atom!

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17 Comments

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  1. Cactus Annie / Aug 30 2009 7:47 am

    We all fall down, we all have our dark moments, Kevin. The important thing is you KNOW the right way now, you recognize your challenge and I KNOW you will use your newfound strength in God to overcome the adversity of depression and sorrow. Thanks again for sharing your journey with us with such candor and honesty. Keep the faith, prayers are with you.

  2. spunkonastick / Aug 30 2009 8:44 am

    Kevin, have you ever read “If Satan can’t steal your joy, then he can’t keep you goods?” by Jerry Savelle?

  3. ReformingGeek / Aug 30 2009 10:08 am

    Yes, when we open ourselves to dwelling on the past or trying to live in the future, we may miss the moment, or Satan may steal it. Hang in there, Kevin, and keep up the good work!

  4. yvonne lewis / Aug 30 2009 10:09 am

    You are an excellent writer it must run in the family lol:

    I enjoyed the read very much. Once again Good luck for the future.

    Yvonne.

  5. malsburymichelle / Aug 30 2009 10:27 am

    Kevin, do not be down on yourself. We all mess up and make mistakes. Learn from them, do not repeat them, and move on! I realize that the hardest lessons in life oftentimes hurt the most, but that is also why we refer to them as lasting impressions. Forgive your wife and wish her well—if you continue to revel in that hurt you only diminish your life and your purpose. Learn to love yourself and then you can be whatever you want—nothing in life can hurt you ever again!

  6. Elizabeth Spann Craig / Aug 30 2009 11:01 am

    I’m sorry you’re going through such a rough time, Kevin. I hope that soon things will start looking up for you and you’ll find that joy again.

    Elizabeth

  7. Jeannine Gardella / Aug 30 2009 11:14 am

    Many years ago when I hit the pit and my marriage was in shambles, the teachings of Kenneth Copeland saved my life. I was also going to recommend Jerry Savelle’s teachings on Joy, but I see that someone else beat me to it. It is powerful, and all these years later, I still rely on teachings from these two great ministers to get me through tough times. It is awful when we feel that our joy has left us, but then I remember “the joy of the Lord is my strength” and it comes back to me. As an aside, thanks to the teachings of these two men, my marriage was restored. Your life will be too. God is faithful. “Great is thy faithfulness, Oh God my Father”

  8. quirkyloon / Aug 30 2009 12:05 pm

    Wow Kevin.

    You are correct sir, Satan IS a jerk! Don’t let him win. You’ve got the mind, knowledge, and understanding to beat him at his own game. Most of all, you have the understanding and wisdom to turn to God.

    He will not let you down!

  9. Katrina Wampler / Aug 30 2009 2:49 pm

    Kevin, you know my heart always breaks for you. To know you’ve lost your laugh before I’ve had a chance to know it just really tears at the softest part of my soul (and Lord knows, I probably don’t have one.)

    You’re right though…Satan is a jerk, My oldest son has a Tshirt that says, “Satan is a nerd” and I love it. Satan is extremely good at what he does but let me tell you something I often have to remind myself and my children. Satan is perfectly happy leaving you alone. He has plenty of people to mess with and he’d just as soon not have to mess with you. However, the moment you become and ambassador for Christ, you become a threat. The moment you begin walking hand in hand with the Lord and following His will, you are likely to take others with you and that is something Satan won’t have. Count it as joy to be pursued by such an ememy for in those times you can rest assured you’re walking in righteousness. In the moments you aren’t face to face with Satan, chances are…you’re walking in the same direction.

    I love you dearly and I will see you soon my friend.

    Katrina

  10. Katrina Wampler / Aug 30 2009 2:55 pm

    oh and one more thing, Kevin…weekends are the hardest for me as well.

    I sat in church this morning listening to an amazing pastor and a wonderful music minister but all I could think of were the wrongs I’d committed in my life….YEARS ago. You see, when we are striving to draw closer to the Lord, that is exactly (as you said) when Satan brings his full arsenal. He has to do his best to step between us to prevent us from getting close to God.

    Though Christ forgives our sins and cast them to the depths of the sea, Satan keeps them handy to use against us. If we know who we are in Christ, Satan has no ground. We are more than conquerors in Christ (forgive the spellin). We are created in His image. He calls US “friend”… If God before us , who can be against us.

    I am always in prayer for you, but I will be more so on the weekends.

    Gotta get going, I need to write you my daily letter. lol
    Laugh my friend…laugh hard knowing Satan can not and will not win this war.

    Again, I love you.

    Katrina

  11. Ron Berry / Aug 31 2009 8:20 am

    To lose happiness opens the door for Satan. Let not the past blind you. It cannot be changed, leave it where it is, in the past. Learn from the mistakes but go forward for that is the only direction we are allowed. laughter is good medicine. With my permission, Marv can send you some of the odd little pieces I write. I hope they are just silly enough to put a smile back on that face. Once it returns, all I ask is that you pass it around to those that you witness.

    • theoldsilly / Aug 31 2009 9:12 am

      Hey thanks, Ron – good idea. Email me some of your best stuff, I’ll send it along!

  12. ettarose / Aug 31 2009 8:52 am

    Kevin, I am sorry for your loss, because you are human you are going to hurt. You are not perfect and even Jesus was not perfect. Know the way of the lord and let him take your pain. The poem Footprints always lifts me up.

  13. Crystal Clear Proofing / Aug 31 2009 10:51 am

    Kevin you have SUCH a gift with words. You relay your thoughts, emotions and feelings so eloquently. I just had to mention and commend you on that because as I was reading, that is one thing that just stood out to me.

    More than half of the battle is your acknowledgement of Satan’s game and that you want no part of it. Talk to God a lot. When you’re talking to Him, there’s not room for anything or anyone else. Faith and Belief – they WILL help, they WILL see you through. The dark times are so very, very dark. It is sometimes so hard to find that little spark of light – it gets lost or hidden sometimes, but is always there. Visualizing that light and the warmth it generates makes it GROW. Make that light grow inside of you. MAKE IT DO THAT. Feel the warmth from it. That’s its love and hope FOR YOU!

    I’m just in the process of getting to know Marvin, and Kevin, you are blessed to have this man in your life and in your heart. And another person praying for you has just been added to the Prayer List. Stay in the light, Kevin. Keep believing, praying, fighting – there are a lot of people on the other side of this blog fighting for and with you!

    • theoldsilly / Aug 31 2009 12:26 pm

      Powerful comment, Crystal. You obviously not only have a deep belief in God, you understand the Law of Attraction. That’s one of the themes in my novel, Owen Fiddler. Satan is only as big and bad and powerful as we allow/believe him to be.

      • Crystal Clear Proofing / Aug 31 2009 12:33 pm

        In reply to your statement about The Dark One – AMEN Marvin. You know, I re-read what I had written for Kevin, and it brought tears to my eyes. I guess because I believe it so much and I feel and have such empathy for his dark times and his pain. Emotional and spiritual darkness hurts so, so much. Thank you for replying with such kind words – you have a knack for that! 🙂 I guess I’m gonna have to check out “Owen Fiddler!”

  14. Connie Arnold / Sep 4 2009 7:11 pm

    Kevin, we all go through our dark times when it’s hard to find the joy, but with all you are going through I’m sure it is especially hard. The good news is that you know what you need to do to receive that joy, and your own strength and courage plus the prayers of so many who love and care about you will help you win the battle with Satan and that joy can come flooding into you. Praying for that special joy to fill your heart. You may not be happy about life and your situation but can still be filled with the joy of the Lord. Keep up the good writing, and God bless you!

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