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September 16, 2009 / theoldsilly

Hilarious Hump Day – An Englishman, a Frenchman, and a Polishman

Three best friends, an Englishman, a Frenchman, and a Polishman, set off on their annual trip. Ever since they were young adults, all of them successful in the business world, they had traveled the earth on exotic and exciting vacations together. Now in their late 50’s and feeling ready to explore some of the more remote regions of the planet, this year they elected to go on an African Safari.

Well into the four week long safari, one morning after breakfast around the campfire and just before breaking camp, the tour guide said, “Everyone, please pay close attention. Today we will be hiking into the deep bush lands. There is a potential danger in this region. It is inhabited by canabalistic pigmies. We are safe as long as we stick close together, as they do not attack or bother large parties of large people. But they will abduct strays. So it is of utmost importance that none of you wander off away from the group. Be forewarned, and stay close to me and the rest of your companions.”

Well, these men were global travellers, very worldly and confident, so part way through the day they decided to ignore the guide’s warnings and venture off to see the region on their own. They figured only for an hour or two, then they’d rejoin the group.

Sure enough, not five minutes into their illbegotten foray off into the wilderness, they were surprised to find themselves surrounded by a dozen pigmies with sharp spears poked at them. They were herded back to the tribe’s main camp, stripped naked, and put into a bamboo prison.

After an hour or so, the Chief of the pigmies said, “Bring me the Frenchman.”

The Frenchman was brought before the Chief and made to kneel. The Chief said, “Okay, here’s the deal. We’re going to boil you, eat your flesh, make cooking utensils and tools out your bones, and make a canoe out of your flesh. Do you have one final request?”

The Frenchman said, “Yes – bring me a knife.”

He was well under their control, so the Chief ordered a knife brought to the doomed man. The Frenchman stood, took the knife, slit his throat from ear to ear and died honorably.

Next the Chief ordered the Englishman brought before him. He was, and again made to kneel.  The Chief said, “Okay, here’s the deal. We’re going to boil you, eat your flesh, make cooking utensils and tools out your bones, and make a canoe out of your flesh. Do you have one final request?”

Without hesitation the Englishman said, “Yes – kindly bring me a knife.”

They brought him a knife. The Englishman rose, plunged the knife into his gut, slashed from side to side, dying within seconds and with honor.

The Chief then said, “Now bring me the Polishman.”

He was brought forth and made to kneel before the Chief like the others. The Chief said, “Okay, here’s the deal. We’re going to boil you, eat your flesh, make cooking utensils and tools out your bones, and make a canoe out of your flesh. Do you have one final request?”

The Polishman frowned, stewing over his plight, then looked up with a spiteful sneer and said, “Yes – bring me a fork.”

This caused a loud murmuring throughout the tribe and an expression of surprise on the Chief’s face. What could he possibly want with a fork? After a couple minutes, the Chief raised his hand to silence all. He asked his main tribal cook, “Do we even have a fork? I know of what he speaks of course, but …”

“Yes, Your Lordship. We do. We have several, taken from the last invaders of our land that we abducted and ate.”

The Chief grunted and said, “Very well …” he eyed the Polishman with curiosity, “… bring one to him, then.”

Once the fork had been brought to the Polishman he said a quick prayer, jumped to his feet and began furiously stabbing himself all over his body, screaming, “To hell with your canoe!”

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19 Comments

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  1. John Standish / Sep 16 2009 7:30 am

    LMBO! That’s the classic, “if I’m going down you’re going down with me!’ – hahah. Good one, thanks for the humpday haha’s, Marv. 🙂

  2. Jane Kennedy Sutton / Sep 16 2009 7:46 am

    What a fun way to greet the day. Now I can go off for a morning walk with a smile on my face.

  3. Cactus Annie / Sep 16 2009 7:47 am

    Hahahahaaaa! Finally a pollack joke where the Polish man gets the upper hand – er, well … sort of – 😉

  4. Tracy Haller / Sep 16 2009 8:13 am

    Marvin u r 2 dang funny thank you for the belly busting laugh!!

  5. Enid Wilson / Sep 16 2009 9:21 am

    A bit “bloody” joke, but love that the Polish bloke gets the upper hand. I will tell you a spicy one involving a French, English and Singaporean one day.

    Bargain with the Devil

    • theoldsilly / Sep 16 2009 10:54 am

      Singaporean joke? Cool! Be a first for me. 😉

  6. Elizabeth Spann Craig / Sep 16 2009 9:27 am

    Thanks for the laugh….I’m in the airport now and needed one!

    Elizabeth
    Mystery Writing is Murder

  7. Karen Walker / Sep 16 2009 9:46 am

    Thanks for the smiles, Marvin. Have you ever done stand-up?
    karen

  8. Lynn, The Story Woman / Sep 16 2009 10:01 am

    Good laugh, yes, and I would never have guessed what the Polish guy was going to do with the fork.
    Also, glad that political correctness is held at bay by your Free Spirit, Marvin. People get just too uptight – it’s nice when we can laugh and joke about ourselves whatever our nationality, race, gender…..

    • theoldsilly / Sep 16 2009 11:00 am

      I agree totally, Lynn – folks are WAY too thin skinned and sensitive these days. If we can’t step back, enjoy, appreciate and LAUGH at ourselves and each other in good fun, what a dire emotional mess we are in, right?

  9. Stanley Berber / Sep 16 2009 11:04 am

    LOL – thanks for the mid week pick me up, Marv. Glad the old silly isn’t afraid to venture an ethnic joke in these overly-politically correct times! 😉

  10. quirkyloon / Sep 16 2009 12:02 pm

    Barump bump! Are you here all week? hee hee

  11. yvonne lewis / Sep 16 2009 1:39 pm

    I always go for an early morning walk tomorrow I will have a grin on my face.

    Thanks for sharing.

    Yvonne.

    • theoldsilly / Sep 16 2009 3:01 pm

      You’re welcome, Yvonne – enjoy your morning walk with a smile tomorrow in Jolly Old England. 🙂

  12. L. Diane Wolfe / Sep 16 2009 2:19 pm

    Funny AND odd!

  13. unwriter1 / Sep 16 2009 3:04 pm

    I got all my Bohemian jokes from my mother and she was Bohemian. If we can laugh at ourselves, we can laugh with others. I only pick on those that will pick back. I believe strongly in good humor, politically correct or not. Besides, the funniest idiots in the world are the politicians, ask Pointius Pilate, who didn’t even have access to an airplane.

  14. Pee Wee / Sep 16 2009 4:49 pm

    This post is a “humdinger” of a way to start the day, Marvin. I laughed my self silly. Thanks.

  15. ReformingGeek / Sep 16 2009 8:46 pm

    Snort. Snort. Good one.

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