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October 28, 2009 / theoldsilly

Hilarious Hump Day – Forest Gump Goes to Heaven

HeavensThe day had finally arrived:  Forest Gump died and went to Heaven.

angelsword

He was to be met at the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter himself. The gates were closed, however, and Forest approached the gatekeeper.

***

Soon Saint Peter appeared in human form and said,

saint peter“Well, Forest, it’s certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I read your book and enjoyed it as much as the movie, which was just heavenly. But, now … I must inform you that the place is filling up fast, and we’ve been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The tests are fairly short, but you need to pass before you can get into Heaven. Have a seat and we’ll go over it, okay?”

Forest sat on the bench Saint Peter pointed to and said, “It shore is good to be here Saint Peter. I was looking forwardforest gump to this. Nobody ever told me about any entrance exams. Shore hope the test ain’t too hard; life was a big enough test as it was.”

Saint Peter went on, “Yes, I know Forest. But, the test I have for you is only three questions. Here is the first: What days of the week begin with the letter ‘T’? Second, how many seconds are there in a year? Third, what is God’s name?”

Forest went away to think the questions over. He returned the next day and walked up to Saint Peter to try to answer the exam questions. Saint Peter waved him up and said, “Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers.”

Forest said, “Well, the first one, how many days of the week begin with the letter ‘T’? Shucks, that one’s easy; that’d be Today and Tomorrow!”

The saint’s eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, “Forest!  That’s not what I was thinking, but … you do have a point though, and I guess I didn’t specify, so I’ll give you a half credit for that answer.”

“How about the next one,” asked Saint Peter, “how many seconds in a year?”

“Now that one’s harder,” said Forest. “But, I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve.”

Astounded, Saint Peter said, “Twelve! Twelve! Forest, how in Heaven’s name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?”

Forest said, “Shucks, there gotta be twelve: January second, February second, March second… ”

“Hold it,” interrupted Saint Peter. “I see where you’re going with it. And I guess I see your point, though that wasn’t quite what I had in mind. I’ll give you at least a half a credit for that one, too.”

Saint Peter shook his head in dismay. Forest is such a loveable dimwit, he thought, hopefully he can get at least one question exactly right so I can admit him into heaven. He sighed and said, “Let’s go on with the next and final question. Can you tell me God’s name?”

Forest’s face lit up with enthusiasm and confidence. He said, “Well shore, I know God’s name. Everbody probly know it. It’s Andy Howard.”

“Andy Howard?” said Saint Peter. “What makes you think it’s ‘Andy Howard’?”

Forest said with a knowing wink, “It’s in the song and the prayer.”

“The song and the prayer?” said Saint Peter, “Which song and prayer?”

“Andy’s song”, said Forest, and he started singing, “Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me I am his own …”

Saint Peter cut him off with a pained expression and a hand in the air. He groaned and asked, “Okay, okay, enough … and the prayer? You say you got god’s last name from some prayer?”

“Shore did, you know, the one that goes, ‘Our Father, who art in heaven, Howard be thy name …’”

Saint Peter gave up. And gave in. Heaven had need of such iwelcome to heavennnocent belief. He opened his arms and welcomed Gump into eternal bliss.

 

 

 

 

 

 

~~~~~

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20 Comments

Leave a Comment
  1. Elizabeth Spann Craig / Oct 28 2009 7:52 am

    Forrest definitely deserved a spot there! Great hump day funny, Marvin!

    Elizabeth
    Mystery Writing is Murder

  2. Jane Kennedy Sutton / Oct 28 2009 8:13 am

    His answers were very clever – he should have received extra credits instead of half! Glad he made it in, though.

  3. yvonne lewis / Oct 28 2009 8:15 am

    This put a smile upon my face , enjoyed the post as always.

    Yvonne.

  4. Cactus Annie / Oct 28 2009 9:18 am

    Hahahahaaa! Forest Gump had BETTER be in heaven when I ge there – the more clever humor the better, lol. Fun hump day post, Marv. 🙂

  5. katrina / Oct 28 2009 9:32 am

    aaaawwwwww how cute. I’m never sure where you’re heading with a joke, but this was good.

  6. Pamela Templin / Oct 28 2009 9:34 am

    Excellent!! 🙂

  7. Barbra Kelser / Oct 28 2009 9:50 am

    LOL! I remember singing that song in church years ago. Go Forest! 😉

  8. Tracy Haller / Oct 28 2009 10:10 am

    Hilarious!! and perfect for today c u saturday!! 🙂

  9. quirkyloon / Oct 28 2009 10:11 am

    hee hee hee

    If a tree falls on the Forest Gump and no one is around to hear it does it make a sound?

    Run Forest, Run!

    hee hee

    • theoldsilly / Oct 28 2009 10:22 am

      Yeah it makes a sound – “GUMP!” lol. Unless Forest CAN outrun it, of course. 😉

  10. Karen Walker / Oct 28 2009 10:17 am

    Sure did make me smile this am, Marvin. I love your hump day!
    Karen

  11. Jean Henry Mead / Oct 28 2009 11:56 am

    I love this story, Marv. Thanks for the good laugh.

    Jean
    (Snowed in on Laramie Mountain)

  12. Stanley Berber / Oct 28 2009 1:17 pm

    Ha, good one! Needed a little pick me up today, thanks, dude!

  13. Galen Kindley / Oct 28 2009 1:41 pm

    This is actually very clever. I tried to think how he might answer, knowing he wouldn’t pick the obvious, but couldn’t do it. I guess that means I’m not as smart as Forrestt. That, I guess is pretty obvious. Galen.

  14. Ron Berry / Oct 28 2009 2:04 pm

    I may actually have to go see that movie some day. Good post Marv.

  15. Elspeth Antonelli / Oct 28 2009 2:15 pm

    Nicely done. *applause*

    Elspeth

  16. Connie Arnold / Oct 28 2009 3:38 pm

    Great answers! Thanks for sharing the fun, Marvin!

  17. AmyLK / Oct 28 2009 7:45 pm

    Very nice! I didn’t see it coming! Thanks for the hump day humor

  18. ReformingGeek / Oct 28 2009 8:11 pm

    We can always count on Mr. Gump and you, Marvin!

  19. heidiwriter / Oct 28 2009 9:43 pm

    Good for a laugh! Thanks.

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