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December 26, 2009 / theoldsilly

The Real Murphy Laws

Light hearted stuff for y’all today instead of the usual heavy “Saturday Pontification” feature. Figured everyone’s still a little stuffed and potsed from Christmas hangover so … enjoy these “real” Murphy Laws and have a wonderful day. Blog back in tomorrow for a very special Dear Old Silly Sunday counseling session.

1. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film.

2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

3. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

4. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

5. Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?

6. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

7. When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

8. Seen it all, done it all. Can’t remember most of it.

9. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.

10. I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

11. He’s not dead. He’s electroencephalographically challenged.

12. She’s always late. In fact, her ancestors arrived on the “Juneflower.”

13. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be
misquoted and used against you.

14. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

15. Honk if you love peace and quiet.

16. Pardon my driving, I’m reloading.

17. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?

18. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

19. It is hard to understand how a cemetery can raise its burial costs and blame it on the higher cost of living.

20. Just remember if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.

21. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting
something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.

22. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

23. You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?

24. You have the right to remain silent, but most lack the capacity to do so

25. Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world population.

26. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

27. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

28. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking.

29. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

30. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture.

31. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

32. It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

33. Everybody lies, but it doesn’t matter since nobody listens.

34. I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.

35. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

36. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

37. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

~~~~~

(The Old Silly thanks his buddy Todd for passing these hilarious bits of levity)

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14 Comments

Leave a Comment
  1. Elizabeth Spann Craig / Dec 26 2009 9:17 am

    These are GREAT! Thanks for sharing a smile with me, Marvin. I need to print these out…

    Elizabeth
    Mystery Writing is Murder

  2. unwriter1 / Dec 26 2009 9:29 am

    Ye speaks the truth old silly. I’ve found a lot of furniture I thought I lost, like coffee tables and endtables.

  3. Mason Canyon / Dec 26 2009 10:15 am

    Those were wonderful. Thanks for sharing. I think I’ll have the first saying framed. That fits me so perfect. Enjoyed the laugh.

  4. quirkyloon / Dec 26 2009 11:24 am

    Very funny. I like quirky little sayings that espouse truth and snarky all in one!

    hee hee

  5. Marcus Franks / Dec 26 2009 11:26 am

    Too funny and oh so true!

  6. Cactus Annie / Dec 26 2009 11:28 am

    LMBO! I’m printing these out and putting them up on a wall somewhere. Fun stuff for in the morning, Old Silly!

  7. L. Diane Wolfe / Dec 26 2009 11:31 am

    Loved number six, Marvin!

  8. Stanley Berber / Dec 26 2009 11:51 am

    These are mad hysterical, lol. And most of em way to true, too. Thanks for the morning yuks, Marv.

  9. yvonne lewis / Dec 26 2009 11:59 am

    Thanks for cheering me up, could do with it today.

    Yvonne.

  10. John Standish / Dec 26 2009 12:08 pm

    Some of these hit too close to home, Old Silly! LOL – loved ’em. 😉

  11. Helen Ginger / Dec 26 2009 1:53 pm

    Such fun here today! Loved them all. Some I’d heard before, quite a few I hadn’t.

    Helen
    Straight From Hel

  12. Thelma Banks / Dec 26 2009 2:53 pm

    Oh my goodness – these are TOO hysterical! LOL – thanks for the witty truisms, Old Silly!

  13. Patricia Stoltey / Dec 26 2009 4:35 pm

    These are great, but #10 made me laugh out loud. I think it describes me perfectly.

  14. ReformingGeek / Dec 26 2009 7:42 pm

    I love #33. So true.

    What? Sorry. I wasn’t listening.

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