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April 20, 2010 / theoldsilly

Hilarious Headlines

Still working in a zoned out writer’s daze on my new novel, with little time to write brand spanking new blog posts, but I was skimming through the archives from posts a couple years ago and came across this. It still cracks me up, and I’ve read this several times. Enjoy, and see if you can add to the madness with any observations of your own, okay?

~~~~~

One of the things I like to do for jollies is collect ridiculous news headlines. You know, the misprints that convey the impossible or completely opposite meanings from what was obviously intended. I have a few friends who share this hobby, and we update each other with the latest hysterical findings. Here’s my list, complete with snide remarks below each headline. Thought I’d share it with you all for a few kicks. And if you have any you can add, please do so in the comments today. Hang onto your sides, and away we go-

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
What?

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
No, really?

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that’s a little harsh, don’t you think?

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
Pervert!

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
Talk about lazy – whatever happened to good old fashioned work ethic?

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
Hmm – does he at least get a five second running head start?

War Dims Hope for Peace
Ya think?

If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
No – no way.

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Such remarkable insight.

Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide !
Gee – Sherlock Holmes would be proud.

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
Mmm – I dunno, I’d feel safer with duct tape.

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
What a re-VOLTing development!

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Obese people aren’t large enough already?

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
Maybe NASA should consider a different diet for them?

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Should’ve been taken from The Martian Hunter’s Guide, maybe?

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
So that’s where magicians get their stunt recruits.

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Well if they lose the lawsuit, they could probably make a lot of money in the NBA.

And last but not least, my personal favorite …

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead!
Now that’s journalism at its most insightful best!

~~~~~

Ever see a headline that bowled you over with its ridiculousness like these you’s care to share?

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14 Comments

Leave a Comment
  1. Cactus Annie / Apr 20 2010 4:58 am

    OMG! I like spit my coffee several times … LOLWROG, too funny!!

  2. Stanley Berber / Apr 20 2010 5:36 am

    Being a Free Spiriter for so long I remember these, and they STILL crack me up, lol. 🙂

  3. Ron Berry / Apr 20 2010 7:08 am

    I agree with Stanley.

  4. Elizabeth Spann Craig / Apr 20 2010 7:18 am

    I think these folks need a good editor! 🙂

    Elizabeth
    Mystery Writing is Murder

  5. AlexJ / Apr 20 2010 7:47 am

    I don’t want to know what the vet did!

  6. AmyLK / Apr 20 2010 7:53 am

    I like those! Its always good to start the day with a smile. At someone else’s expense! lol

  7. Mason Canyon / Apr 20 2010 7:59 am

    Loved those, especially the red tape holds up bridge. OMG. Thanks for the laugh this morning.

    Mason
    Thoughts in Progress

  8. ReformingGeek / Apr 20 2010 8:17 am

    Hee Hee. Those are always funny!

  9. Karen Walker / Apr 20 2010 9:11 am

    Still funny after all these years….
    Karen

  10. Barbra Kelser / Apr 20 2010 10:42 am

    Hoo Boy! LMAO – hilarious is right!!!

  11. Leeuna / Apr 20 2010 3:07 pm

    Amazing…and so hilarious. Thanks for the laughs today. I think the 7 foot doctors was the funniest.

  12. Kissie / Apr 20 2010 8:11 pm

    Death causes loneliness, feeling of isolation.

    -Then I shall live forever.

  13. tashabud / Apr 21 2010 2:50 pm

    Poors dead souls at the cemetery. What did they do to deserve a second death? Truly heartbreaking news.

    I laughed at every single one of them. Waaaayyy too funny! But the best parts are your snide remarks.

    Tasha

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