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May 12, 2010 / theoldsilly

Hilarious Hump Day – It’s A Conspiracy!

THIS IS HAPPENING RIGHT HERE IN OUR OWN COUNTRY!

We Must Stop This Immediately!

Have you noticed that stairs are getting steeper? Groceries are heavier. And, everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become! And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they’re red in the face! What do they think I am a lip reader?

I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn’t even recognize me. I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection. Well, REALLY NOW – even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!

Another thing, everyone drives so fast these days! You’re risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.

Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labelling a pants’ waist size 32 as a 38 or 40? Do they think no one notices? The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank. Do they think I actually ‘believe’ the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself  weigh that much! Just who do these people think they’re fooling?

I’d like to call up someone in authority to report what’s going on — but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they’ve printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in there!

All I can do is pass along this warning: WE ARE UNDER ATTACK!

Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these awful indignities.

PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN GET THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED!

PS: I am sending this to you in a larger font size, because something has happened to my computer’s fonts – they are smaller than they once were.

PPS: Save a tree. Please do not print this email unless you really need to.

~~~~~

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24 Comments

Leave a Comment
  1. Cactus Annie / May 12 2010 5:28 am

    LOL, you crack me up, Old Silly! 🙂

  2. Alex J. Cavanaugh / May 12 2010 5:35 am

    That is classic, Marvin!
    Fortunately, they haven’t messed with the speed limits yet. I still feel as if I am going too slow, not too fast.

  3. Ron Berry / May 12 2010 5:45 am

    Yes, I have noticed that. So I speed up when driving just to be sure. I told the cop the other day when he pulled me over for speeding that I was just trying to stay up with traffic. He said there wasn’t any. I replied that I knew that. They had all gotten so far ahead of me that I had to double my speed just to catch up!

    • theoldsilly / May 12 2010 7:17 pm

      LOL, this is worthy of adding to the post, dude!

  4. Will Burke / May 12 2010 6:22 am

    But how is it all connected? Where’s Matlock when you need him?

  5. Karen Walker / May 12 2010 7:04 am

    My, my, are you living inside my head these days. I’ve had the same thoughts, although I couldn’t put them together in such a way as to crack everyone up like you do. Thanks for the laughs, today, old silly. I needed it. I’ve been up since 2:30 am – just can’t sleep.
    Karen

  6. Connie Arnold / May 12 2010 8:14 am

    Too funny, Marvin, but also getting more and more to be the reality! It’s good if we can laugh as we get older instead of fretting about all those little things. Thanks for sharing a good laugh once again!

  7. Elizabeth Spann Craig / May 12 2010 8:42 am

    Yes, why IS the print getting smaller?! 🙂

    Elizabeth
    Mystery Writing is Murder

  8. Indigo / May 12 2010 8:53 am

    Time what a dastardly culprit. It’s gaining ground on us all. (Hugs)Indigo

    • theoldsilly / May 12 2010 7:18 pm

      Excellent choice of words, Indigo – “Dastardly” – yeah … right on! 😉

  9. Mason Canyon / May 12 2010 8:58 am

    Oh, I love this and it is so true. My computer’s fonts keep getting smaller too.

    Mason
    Thoughts in Progress

  10. Stanley Berber / May 12 2010 8:58 am

    Hilariously and all too sadly true, Marv! 😉

  11. Jim Hansen / May 12 2010 8:59 am

    Only you could put it out there with such sarcastic humor, Old Silly, LOLWROG!

  12. tashabud / May 12 2010 10:44 am

    Ooh, that’s hilarious post, Old Silly. I’m glad to know I’m in good company. I like Ron Berry’s comments too. Very funny.

    Have a wonderful day.

    Tasha

  13. Jane Kennedy Sutton / May 12 2010 11:01 am

    Well, it’s too late to save myself from this awful conspiracy, but maybe others will be spared by getting the message out there! Thanks for the chuckle.

  14. Leeuna / May 12 2010 1:23 pm

    I’m thinking the same thing, Marvin. They’re out to get us, (whoever “They” are). On the other hand though, folks are being a lot friendlier these days. People honk their car horns at me at red lights and they’re constantly waving at me whenever I cross the street. Why just last week a girl hung her upper body out the car window and shouted something at me. I think she was comparing me to her mom. I only caught the word “mother”. Kids! They’re so sweet these days. 😀

    • theoldsilly / May 12 2010 7:19 pm

      Leeuna, why did I KNOW when you commented you’d give the Old Silly a run for his silly money? LOL 😉

  15. ann / May 12 2010 2:08 pm

    I also have noticed some of these things happening. Just the other day I was trying to thread a needle to sew on a button and discovered that they have made the eye much much smaller than it used to be.

    • theoldsilly / May 12 2010 7:19 pm

      I couldn’t even find the needle – they are too small to see anymore, hmm? 😉

  16. tashabud / May 12 2010 4:51 pm

    Leeuna and Ann, your comments are funny, too. I could never come up with anything witty even if I try and try.

    I can’t wait for Old Silly to make the fonts here larger. I’m sure I’m not imagining them being sooo tiny, or am I?

    Tasha

  17. ReformingGeek / May 12 2010 8:11 pm

    That font is way too small for me to read. Let me get my magnifying glass.

    What?

    The TV is mumbling again.

  18. yvonne lewis / May 13 2010 6:06 am

    I agree about the mirrors….infact I don’t bother to look at them now
    because they show the wrong reflection.
    Loved the post.

    Yvonne.

  19. divinity rose / May 15 2010 9:47 am

    lol thanks or the laugh ❤

  20. Kissie / May 18 2010 12:37 pm

    Did my recent guest post inspire you? Hmmm. Nonetheless, I like it. Funny and cute….quite clever you’re becoming….is somebody growing on you?

    Seriously, good job.

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