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August 4, 2010 / theoldsilly

Hilarious Hump Day – Fun With the English Language

For today’s mid-week get-you-over-the-hump jocularity, I’m posting some funnies utilizing ambiguities in the English language. Hey – this blog does cover literary topics, hmm? LOL – I heard a couple of these before in different ways, but they’re all a stitch. Enjoy, and have a wonderful rest of the week, peeps.

1) A linguistics professor was lecturing his class one day.

‘In English’, he said, ‘A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.’

A loud voice from the back of the room piped up, ‘Yeah, right.’

2) Robert went to his lawyer and said, ‘I would like to make a will but I don’t know exactly how to go about it.’   The lawyer smiled at Robert and replied, ‘Not a problem, leave it all to me.’

Robert looked somewhat upset and said, ‘Well, I knew you were going to take a big portion, but I would like to leave a little to my family too!’

3) A policeman spotted a jay walker and decided to challenge him, ‘Why are you trying to cross here when there’s a zebra crossing only 20 metres away?’

‘Well,’ replied the jay walker, ‘I hope it’s having better luck than me.’

4) Two lawyers arrive at the pub and ordered a couple of drinks. They then take sandwiches from their briefcases and began to eat.

Seeing this, the angry publican approaches them and says, ‘Excuse me, but you cannot eat your own sandwiches in here!’

The two look at each other, shrug and exchange sandwiches.

5) Brenda and Terry are going out for the evening. The last thing they do is put their cat out.

The taxi arrives, and as the couple walk out of the house, the cat scoots back in.

Terry returns inside to chase it out. Brenda, not wanting it known that the house would be empty, explains to the taxi driver, ‘My husband is just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.’

Several minutes later, an exhausted Terry arrives and climbs back into the taxi saying, ‘Sorry I took so long, the stupid idiot was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger several times before I could get her to come out!’

~~~~~

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16 Comments

Leave a Comment
  1. Cactus Annie / Aug 4 2010 11:27 am

    LOLWROG! I’d heard the last one before, but loved all of ’em – thanks for the yuks, Old Silly! 🙂

    • Kissie / Aug 4 2010 1:38 pm

      Please explain the “WROG” … what is that?

      • theoldsilly / Aug 4 2010 1:53 pm

        I got this one, Cactus. Kissie, it means “While Rolling on Ground”. 😉

      • Kissie / Aug 6 2010 10:09 pm

        Ah, I see.

        Thanks, MD.

  2. Thelma Banks / Aug 4 2010 12:43 pm

    Too funny. Loved the “Yeah, right” one the most, lol. Have a great week, Old Silly! 🙂

  3. Ron Berry / Aug 4 2010 12:52 pm

    Although heard many before, they are all still good.

  4. yvonne lewis / Aug 4 2010 1:48 pm

    Had a good laugh as always Marvin, hope all is well with you.

    Yvonne.

  5. ReformingGeek / Aug 4 2010 5:32 pm

    Yeah, right. My favorite.

    😉

  6. Alex J Cavanaugh / Aug 4 2010 9:39 pm

    Those are good!

  7. Stanley Berber / Aug 5 2010 7:39 am

    I heard the “Yeah right” one before, still funny though … all of them are, lol. Fun stuff, Marv – hey how’s the poop biz going?

    • theoldsilly / Aug 5 2010 7:40 am

      Poop biz is going great – thanks for asking Stan – should have some product ready for sale here in a couple weeks, with lots more in process. I’ll be doing another “Meandering Muse” post on Monday and have something to say about it. You know me, lol. 😉

  8. Stephen Tremp / Aug 5 2010 6:44 pm

    Mother in law jokes are pretty funny LOL. Lawyer jokes are the best. Thanks for the mid week chcukle.

    Stephen Tremp

  9. AK / Aug 6 2010 3:28 am

    I Love the first one, ‘yeah, right’.

  10. Enid Wilson / Aug 6 2010 8:29 am

    LOL, I like the Will one. Leave it all to me. Yeah right!

    Steamy Darcy

  11. NA Sharpe / Aug 6 2010 12:13 pm

    LOL, thank you so much – glad I found this particular blog on this particular day – loved the giggles.
    Thanks!

    Nancy from Realms of Thought

  12. Connie Arnold / Aug 6 2010 5:55 pm

    They were all great, Marvin, but the last one really cracked me up! Thanks for sharing yet another good laugh!

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