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September 1, 2010 / theoldsilly

Hilarious Hump Day – Courtroom Madness

For this week’s Hump Day jocundity I’m sharing some judicial ridiculousness. I came across these, which are actual transcripts, quotes from within the hallowed walls of our in-search-of-the-truth-and-nothing-but-the-truth courtrooms. Have a good laugh or twenty, lol.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Hilarious quotes from the  courtroom. Jokes about lawyers.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you’ve forgotten?

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years

Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn’t you?
A: I went to Europe, Sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?


Can you believe it? Teehee – anyone else heard such nonsensical interchanges in our courtrooms?

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Leave a Comment
  1. AK / Sep 1 2010 5:04 am

    You cracked me up dude… Hilarious… love the basement stairs stuff!

  2. Elizabeth Spann Craig / Sep 1 2010 7:40 am

    Love it! Thanks for the grins on my Wednesday morning. Good stuff. 🙂

  3. Alex J. Cavanaugh / Sep 1 2010 12:24 pm

    Good to see not all of those were dumb defendant responses!

    • theoldsilly / Sep 4 2010 1:16 pm

      Exactly – more dumb lawyer questions than stupid answers, lol

  4. Arlee Bird / Sep 2 2010 12:30 am

    I can relate to that fourth one– calling the wife by the wrong name.
    My first wife’s name was Cathy and my second wife’s name was Susan. I actually made that same misake more than once.

    Tossing It Out

    • theoldsilly / Sep 4 2010 1:17 pm

      Good Lord – and your marriage (2nd one) survived?!

  5. Stephen Tremp / Sep 2 2010 1:49 pm

    Umm … there’s no such thing as a stupid question? You’ve challenegd that theory throroughly. Thanks for the laughs.

    Stephen Tremp

  6. Kissie / Sep 2 2010 9:27 pm

    And I can’t get you to watch The Office! I promise you this sounds exactly like Michael Scott (Steve Carell). SMH throughout the post. 🙂

  7. Cactus Annie / Sep 4 2010 12:49 pm

    LOLW ROG – too funny, Old Silly!

  8. Marcus Franks / Sep 4 2010 12:50 pm

    They all made sense to me! 😉

  9. Stanley Berber / Sep 4 2010 2:37 pm

    They all cracked me up – but the one about the stairs – good Lord! LOL

    • theoldsilly / Sep 4 2010 2:39 pm

      Yeah I know – that one got me too, teehee…

  10. Thelma Banks / Sep 4 2010 2:44 pm

    Too funny. Hadn’t droppin in a while and this post gave me chuckles and smiles … thanks, Old Silly! 🙂

  11. Leeuna / Sep 4 2010 3:10 pm

    I missed this post on Wednesday but it was just as funny on Saturday. Thanks for the giggles. Have a good Labor Day weekend. 🙂

  12. ReformingGeek / Sep 5 2010 5:14 pm

    Haha! I love it.

  13.  / Mar 31 2011 8:49 am

    I was extremely pleased to discover this web-site.I wanted to appreciate it for your time with this great learn!! I absolutely enjoying every single little bit of this and I had you bookmarked to look at brand-new information you post.

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