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March 13, 2011 / theoldsilly

Back by Popular Demand – Dear Old Silly Sunday

Welcome back to the Dear Old Silly Show. It’s been a while since we’ve been on the Bloggydom e-waves, but due to paying attention to blog stats and the tremendous amount of hits some of the old shows still get today, I am acquiescing to popular demand and bringing “Dear Old Silly” back. If you have a problem or challenge in your life and need some help in understanding it to rectify your universe and be made whole, please feel free to write in your request for good counsel. Old Silly is here to help!

Today’s counseling session is in response to the following inquiry I received just a few short years ago (see how quick we are to the rescue?):

Goth KidsDear Old Silly-

Me and my girlfrend was like watchin sum stupid old reruns the other day and we wer like, WTF? I’d like to no wat the older generashun saw in such unrelistic kid’s cartoon shows like Charlie Brown. I mean, evrything is all nicey nice and nobody swears or nuthin’, ther ain’t no sexual shit stuff hapnin’, kids play silly “fun” games like baseball and you nevr see em playin video games like “Bitch-Slap da Ho and F yer Daddy,” you know, stuff like kids luv to play thes days. Ther’s no reelism to a sho like Charlie Brown like ther is in Beavis and Butthead or South Park, you no wat I meen? I don’t get it – wat was the point of such a meeningles, boring sho for kids? I’m sixteen yers old now and me and my frends wen we wach old Charlie Brown re-runs it’s like – how stupid! No akchun, no nothin’ goin’ on! Whadayou think?

Sincerly Wit the Times,

Stuart Pitt

Wise Old SillyDear Mr. Stu Pitt-

You are so right. I must apologize for my entire generation, Mr. Charles Schultz, the creator of the ridiculously unrealistic Charlie Brown Show included, for not having come up with more entertaining and valuable children’s shows. I am sorry that Charlie Brown never banged Peppermint Patty while Linus watched, never masturbated for the little tykes’ viewing pleasure, sorry that Charlie’s dad was not a beer guzzling scum who beat his wife and kids. Sally never mooned the camera, not once, how massively disappointing, and Woodstock, sad to say, never told dirty jokes. Terrible television.

I do heartily apologize that there was no cussing amongst the young characters – how so not real, right? They had no body piercings, regretfully,  nor did they have tattoos all over their bodies like any normal kid these days. And the fact that none of the kids stole stuff and bragged about it or used and sold drugs – outrageous! What planet was this drivel supposed to have been taking place on?

And playing baseball for fun – gah – not acceptable. I’m sorry they didn’t play strip poker while drinking booze they stole from their parents and they never had sex with their babysitters. That would have been much better a way to prepare youngsters with realistic expectations in this world. Charlie Brown, and this is SO not natural, never looked under and up the skirt of his teacher, Mrs. Othmar, so we were never treated to clever and snide remarks about her fluffy brown beaver – what kind of kid never does that, right? Loser, with a capital L.

And Schroeder – played classical music on his piano! What a crock of bull … should’ve been playing grunge rock on an electric guitar with a mountain of amps behind him, screaming hate lyrics well laden with epithets to be anywhere near normal for a kid his age.

Also I must apologize that the Lord’s name was never taken in vain and there was no Jesus character made fun of as an ignominious mental aberration of humanity, insignificant except for as a laughing stock to mock and denigrate. I’m so sorry.

I am also sorry that Snoopy was never shown in heat, humping Patty while smoking a cigar. None of those kids ever snuck up behind a little old lady, knocked her over the head with a board and stole her purse – completely out of touch with reality, that glaring absence of happenstances. And – now this one is totally not right … I am deeply disturbed that Lucy never gave Charlie any head, for god’s sake!

And finally, speaking in general, I apologize for all the missed opportunities to show little children basic survival tactics in life like how to beat the system, be deceitful, lie to and rip each other off, and steal cars. Truly it was a sad world we had when those kinds of things were not the norm on television.

So it is with the utmost regret and humility that I do doff my hat, get down on my knees and, as a representative of my far too clean and healthy minded, naíve generation, do ask of you to please, please … can you find it in your heart to ever grant me and my kind an admittedly undeserved forgiveness?

You can? Oh jolly goodness … I am beside myself with elation. Thank you so much, Stu Pitt, for your benevolent redeeming of my poor, tortured-with-feelings-of-guilt soul!

There. Feel better now? Good. That’ll be $150, cash only please, I wouldn’t take credit or a check from a pathetic, brain dead idiot like you if my boring, shock-value-entertainment-starved-to-the-point-of-abused-during-childhood life depended on it. Leave the dough at the front desk with my perfectly well adjusted fifty-two year old secretary and go jump off a mile high cliff so you can never procreate and thus weaken the gene pool.

Yours Very Truly,

The Old Silly

~~~~~

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23 Comments

Leave a Comment
  1. Cactus Annie / Mar 13 2011 7:30 am

    LOL, too funny, except ….. NOT – when you realize how true it is. Glad to see the counselor is back in biz, Old Silly!

    • theoldsilly / Mar 13 2011 3:54 pm

      Thanks, Cactus – glad to be back, just hope we get some failry intelligent clients, lol!

  2. Barbra Kelser / Mar 13 2011 7:33 am

    We have some Goth kids hang around our neighborhood. I keep wondering what they’ll do when they (if they?) actually grow up and try to get a job with all those piercings and tatoos. Sheesh.

    Anyway, thanks for the chuckles, Old Silly – you had me in stitches with your sarcasm, lol! 🙂

    • theoldsilly / Mar 13 2011 3:55 pm

      Yeah I know. But then, maybe by 2030 the bosses will have full body tatoos and piercing through their eyeballs, hmm? Egad! 😦

  3. Alex J. Cavanaugh / Mar 13 2011 7:47 am

    Crap, if that’s reality, I’m going back to the fifties!

    • theoldsilly / Mar 13 2011 3:55 pm

      Ha! Hey wait for me, Alex, I wanna go with you!

  4. Stanley Berber / Mar 13 2011 7:53 am

    Mr. “Stu Pitt”!? LOL – love the apt play on words!

    • theoldsilly / Mar 13 2011 3:56 pm

      Glad ya caught and appreciated that dude! 😉

  5. Ron Berry / Mar 13 2011 8:13 am

    A good answer to an all too true scenerio(you spell it). It was funny yet it makes me wonder still about our education system. I know this was just your imagination but I’ve seen and heard all too many of our younger generation talk and act like that. It shows up in our government too. For example the anti-union sentiment in Wisconsin and our governor, Braindead (he tries to convince us it’s Branstad), wants to cut funding for preschool and high speed rail. He too is trying to make cities use non union labor. I guess he needs to save money so the state congress and he can get a bigger raise.

    Sorry about the rant but I am big on education. Thank goodness for Sesame Street and Sid the Science Kid.

    • theoldsilly / Mar 13 2011 3:56 pm

      No need to apologize for well put rants around here, sir! 😉

  6. tashabud / Mar 13 2011 8:25 am

    So, so funny! I love it. The dialect is exceptioanal. You’ve got it right, down to the T. You have a clever way of differentiating kids of today from the kids of the fifties.

    • theoldsilly / Mar 13 2011 3:57 pm

      Yeah, well, when you’ve lived as loooooooong as I have … 😉

  7. Thelma Banks / Mar 13 2011 2:30 pm

    Like someone else said, funny, but … NOT! Good Lord I wonder if literacy and decency will ever make a comeback?!

    • theoldsilly / Mar 13 2011 3:58 pm

      Me too, Thelma, and thanks for the comment, but … sigh, not putting any money on it! 😦

  8. Marcus Franks / Mar 13 2011 4:00 pm

    Good grief – I guess if you live long enough, you get to see just about everything, eh? LOL, enjoyed the cynical, sarcastic, but jolly good put down, Marv. “Mr. Stu Pitt” – Ha!

  9. AmyLK / Mar 14 2011 2:11 pm

    giggle! Love that the Counselor is back In! And its so true! Charlie Brown was so clean compared to todays cartoons. Much to the detriment of today’s society. Thankfully, Son seems to like Charlie Brown over his other choices.

    • theoldsilly / Mar 14 2011 6:38 pm

      Yeah, old Charlie was too squeaky clean for today’s drivel-driven dopes to dig, eh, Amy? LOL 😉

  10. Jane Kennedy Sutton / Mar 14 2011 6:25 pm

    I knew there was a reason I liked Charlie Brown and “the good old days.”

  11. John Standish / Mar 14 2011 6:42 pm

    I not only miss the old cartoons, I miss good, clean, and REALLY funny comedians, like Bill Cosby, Red Skelton, Jackie Gleason, Lucille Ball … they could make you split your sides laughing without a single cuss word or any sexual inuendo. Lost art, these days, it seems … 😦

  12. yvonne lewis / Mar 18 2011 1:13 pm

    Extremely funny Marvin, what a sense of humour.

    Yvonne.

  13. Monica M Brinkman / Apr 9 2011 5:38 pm

    Your reply was absolutely perfect! I love Charlie Brown and was once fortunate enough to play the part of Lucy in the stage production of You’re A Good Man Charlie Brown”

    Funny how we could enjoy comedy without the need for abusive language. Things were funny on their own without the need for the ‘shock effect’

    Look at one of Red Skeletons’ skits, a comedien who vowed he would never use foul language in his shows. He performed well into his 80’s to sold out theatres.

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