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April 27, 2011 / theoldsilly

Hilarious Hump Day – Literally Funny!

Today’s midweek jocular pick-me-up is a collection of plays on words. Enjoy, and have a wonderful Hump Day, y’all!

1) A linguistics professor was lecturing his class one day.

‘In English’, he said, ‘A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.’

A loud voice from the back of the room piped up, ‘Yeah, right.’

2) Robert went to his lawyer and said, ‘I would like to make a will but I don’t know exactly how to go about it.’  The lawyer smiled at Robert and replied, ‘Not a problem, leave it all to me.’

Robert looked somewhat upset and said, ‘Well, I knew you were going to take a big portion, but I would like to leave a little to my family too!’

3) Two lawyers arrive at the pub and ordered a couple of drinks. They then take sandwiches from their briefcases and began to eat.

Seeing this, the angry publican approaches them and says, ‘Excuse me, but you cannot eat your own sandwiches in here!’

The two look at each other, shrug and exchange sandwiches.

4) Brenda and Terry are going out for the evening. The last thing they do is put their cat out.

The taxi arrives, and as the couple walk out of the house, the cat scoots back in.

Terry returns inside to chase it out. Brenda, not wanting it known that the house would be empty, explains to the taxi driver, ‘My husband is just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.’

Several minutes later, an exhausted Terry arrives and climbs back into the taxi saying, ‘Sorry I took so long, the stupid idiot was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger several times before I could get her to come out!’

5) A policeman spotted a jay walker and decided to challenge him, ‘Why are you trying to cross here when there’s a zebra crossing only 20 metres away?’

‘Well,’ replied the jay walker, ‘I hope it’s having better luck than me.’

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12 Comments

Leave a Comment
  1. Cactus Annie / Apr 27 2011 7:59 am

    Thanks for the chuckles, Old Silly – FUNNY! Have a great week!

  2. John Standish / Apr 27 2011 8:00 am

    Loved ’em! Teehee …

  3. Margot Winston / Apr 27 2011 8:00 am

    They’re all funny, but I liked #3 the best. LOL!

  4. Hilary / Apr 27 2011 8:14 am

    Hi Marvin .. good ones .. some more my mother or the other old folk would enjoy hearing ..

    thanks – I have yet to read the 7 levels of husband hunting to my mother! Cheers Hilary

  5. Ron Berry / Apr 27 2011 8:53 am

    Anti-linguisticly, these are goodly written.

  6. Stanley Berber / Apr 27 2011 9:44 am

    Literally funny indeed! LOL…

  7. Mary / Apr 27 2011 9:46 am

    Wonderful! You came through at just the right time. hanks

  8. Arlee Bird / Apr 27 2011 10:16 am

    Just goes to show you gotta watch what you say and how you say it.

    Lee
    Tossing It Out

  9. Helen Ginger / Apr 27 2011 1:43 pm

    Those were all cute. My favorite was the couple, the cat and the hanger.

  10. Marcus Franks / Apr 27 2011 5:00 pm

    Hahahaaaa! Good ones!

  11. Alex J. Cavanaugh / Apr 27 2011 6:14 pm

    Zebra crossing was great!

  12. ReformingGeek / Apr 27 2011 6:47 pm

    Snort. I love the one about the cat.

    YEE-OUCH!

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