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December 12, 2011 / theoldsilly

Monday Memory Test

MEMORY TEST! Something a little different and fun today, y’all. Many Free Spirit readers are, like the Old Silly, from the Baby Boomer generation. But even those of later generations will get a kick out of this one. Now, all you older geezers,  have a paper and pencil handy to record your answers.  (Your mind isn’t as sharp as it once was!) This is NOT a pushover test. It’s a Baby Boomer era test!

There are 20 questions. The average score, for ages 35 to 65, is 12. See how you do …

Have fun, but no peeking!

1. What builds strong bodies 12 ways?

A. Flintstones vitamins**

B. The Buttmaster

C. Spaghetti

D. Wonder Bread

E. Orange Juice

F. Milk

G. Cod Liver Oil

 2. Before he was Muhammed Ali, he was…?

A. Sugar Ray Robinson.**

B. Roy Orbison..

C. Gene Autry.

D. Rudolph Valentino.

E. Fabian

F. Mickey Mantle.

G. Cassius Clay.

3. Pogo, the comic strip character said, ‘We have met the enemy and….’?

A. It’s you.

B. He is us.

C. It’s the Grinch.

D. He wasn’t home.

E. He’s really me and you.

F. We quit.

G. He surrendered.

4. Good night, David.

A. Good night, Chet.

B. Sleep well.

C. Good night, Irene.

D. Good night, Gracie.

E. See you later, alligator.

F. Until tomorrow.

G. Good night, Steve.**

5. You’ll wonder where the yellow went…

A. When you use Tide.

B. When you lose your crayons.

C. When you clean your tub.

D. If you paint the room blue.

E. If you buy a soft water tank

F. When you use Lady Clairol.

G. When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent.

 

6. Before he was the Skipper’s Little Buddy, Bob Denver was Dobie’s friend…

A. Stuart Whitman.**

B Randolph Scott.

C. Steve Reeves..

D. Maynard G. Krebs.

E Corky B. Dork.

F. Dave the Whale.

G. Zippy Zoo.

 

7. Liar, liar…

A. You’re a liar.

B. Your nose is growing.

C. Pants on fire.

D. Join the choir

E. Jump up higher.

F. On the wire.

G. I’m telling Mom.

 

8. Meanwhile, back in Metropolis, Superman fights a never ending battle for truth, justice and….

A. Wheaties.

B. Lois Lane .

C. TV ratings.

D. World peace.

E. Red tights.

F. The American way.

G. News headlines.**

 

9. Hey kids! What time is it?

A. It’s time for Yogi Bear.

B It’s time to do your homework.

C. It’s Howdy Doody Time.

D. It’s time for Romper Room.

E. It’s bedtime.

F. The Mighty Mouse Hour..

G. Scoopy Doo Time..

 

10. Lions and tigers and bears…

A. Yikes.

B. Oh, no..

C. Gee whiz.

D. I’m scared…

E. Oh my.

F. Help! Help!

G. Let’s run.

 

11. Bob Dylan advised us never to trust anyone…

A. Over 40.

B. Wearing a uniform.

C.. Carrying a briefcase.

D. Over 30.

E. You don’t know.

F. Who says, ‘Trust me’..

G. Who eats tofu.

 

12. NFL quarterback who appeared in a television commercial wearing women’s stockings…

A. Troy Aikman

B. Kenny Stabler

C. Joe Namath

D. Roger Staubach

E. Joe Montana

F. Steve Young

G. John Elway

 

13. Brylcream…

A. Smear it on.

B. You’ll smell great.

C. Tame that cowlick.

D. Grease ball heaven.

E. It’s a dream.

F. We’re your team.

G. A little dab’ll do ya.

 

14. I found my thrill…

A. In Blueberry muffins.

B. With my man, Bill

C. Down at the mill.

D. Over the windowsill.

E. With thyme and dill.

F. Too late to enjoy.

G. On Blueberry Hill.

 

15. Before Robin Williams, Peter Pan was played by…

A. Clark Gable.

B. Mary Martin.

C. Doris Day.

D. Errol Flynn.

E. Sally Fields.

F. Jim Carrey.

G. Jay Leno.

 

16. Name the Beatles.

A. John, Steve, George, Ringo

B. John, Paul, George, Roscoe

C. John, Paul, Stacey, Ringo

D. Jay, Paul, George, Ringo

E. Lewis, Peter, George, Ringo

F. Jason, Betty, Skipper, Hazel

G. John, Paul, George, Ringo

 

17. I wonder, wonder, who.

A. Who ate the leftovers?

B. Who did the laundry?

C. Was it you?

D. Who wrote the book of love?

E. Who I am?

F. Passed the test?

G. Knocked on the door?

 

18. I’m strong to the finish…

A. Cause I eats my broccoli.

B. Cause I eats me spinach.

C. Cause I lift weights.

D. Cause I’m the hero.

E And don’t you for get it.

F. Cause Olive Oyl loves me.

G. To outlast Bruto.

 

19. When it’s least expected, you’re elected, you’re the star today.

A. Smile, you’re on Candid Camera.

B. Smile, you’re on Star Search.

C. Smile, you won the lottery.

D. Smile, we’re watching you.

E. Smile, the world sees you.

F. Smile, you’re a hit.

G. Smile, you’re on TV.

 

20. What do M & M’s do?

A. Make your tummy happy.

B. Melt in your mouth, not in your pocket.

C. Make you fat.

D.. Melt your heart.

E… Make you popular.

F. Melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

G. Come in colors.

Below are the right answers:

1. D – Wonder Bread

2. G – Cassius Clay

3. B – He Is us

4. A – Good night, Chet

5. G – When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent

6. D – Maynard G. Krebs

7. C – Pants on fire

8. F – The American Way

9. C – It’s Howdy Doody Time

10. E – Oh my

11. D – Over 30

12. C – Joe Namath

13. G – A little dab’ll do ya

14. G – On Blueberry Hill

15. B – Mary Martin

16. G – John, Paul, George, Ringo

17. D – Who wrote the book of Love

18. B – Cause I eats me spinach

19. A – Smile, you’re on Candid Camera

20. F – Melt in your mouth not in your hand

Remember to put your score in the comments – along with any other comments, teehee!

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December 7, 2011 / theoldsilly

Hilarious Hump Day – Spanking the Christmas Spirit

I remember as a schoolboy, when you got caught acting up – being loud, cracking jokes to disrupt class, throwing spitballs, etc. – you got sent to the principal’s office and got your butt whupped with the “board of education.” Well, times have changed, and now if a teacher so much as looks cross-eyed at a kid he or she can get slapped with a lawsuit. But hey – if there were such a thing nowadays as corporal punishment in our grade schools, you might just see a scene like this, hmm?

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November 30, 2011 / theoldsilly

Hilarious Hump Day – This is Stimulation?

It’s a slow day in the small town of Pumphandle and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody is living on credit.

A tourist visiting the area drives through town, stops at the hotel, and lays a $100 bill on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs to pick one for the night. As soon as he walks upstairs, the hotel owner grabs the bill and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

(Stay with this … and pay attention)

The butcher takes the $100 and runs down the street to retire his debt to the pig farmer. The pig farmer takes the $100 and heads off to pay his bill to his supplier, the Co-op. The guy at the Co-op takes the $100 and runs to pay his debt to the local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer her “services” on credit. The hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel owner.

(Almost done…keep reading)

The hotel proprietor then places the $100 back on the counter so the traveler will not suspect anything. At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, picks up the $100 bill and leaves.

No one produced anything. No one earned anything. However, the whole town now thinks that they are out of debt and there is a false
atmosphere of optimism and glee.

And that, my friends, is how a “stimulus package” works!

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